My life ... in words

Max, lived a wonderful 6 years.
in the span of 6 years... he has brought such happiness to my life, my family...
and I'm pretty sure everyone that has ever come into contact with him.
He was so excited about life and every one he meets.
he would jump at people, run after them, smell you, lick you and even drool on you.
I know it doesn't sound friendly at all... but trust me.
everyone that has met him can surely guarantee you that he is simple the
World's Friendliest Dog.
but today sadly, we had to put him down.
from out of the blue, he was diagnosed with a pancreas failure.
(he was walking one minute and the next he just didn't want to move and eat or drink)
This lead to a shut down of the liver and kidney.
he couldn't urinate and his belly started to bloat.
after 2 nights , his condition took at down turn ... the doctor said that if he carried
on with medication and if he still couldn't urinate, he would surely die and
also the next 24 hours would be the most excruciating pain max will ever go through.
we couldn't allow that to happen...
every breath that he took was so forced and hard.
everytime i looked at him, it brought tears to my eyes.
no wait... i didn't just tear...i cried...
and i bawled.
so we did something that i never thought we would have to do.
we opted to put him to sleep.

2 mins later , the doctor came in, needle in hand.
and thats when it really hit me that i was really losing max.
the poison was quickly administered ...
i saw his breaths go slower and slower.
within a min ... his breathing stopped.
even before the doctor laid his hands to check his pulse... i knew he was gone.

I feel so helpless that we could not do more to save him,
i also feel responsible for all this.
we should keep fighting for him, keep praying.... keep hoping.
but the more we prolong it... the more pain he would be in.
and that is something that just broke my heart.
i feel like a murderer for having to consent to administering the poison.

everytime when i'm on the computer in my room ... i would hear his foot steps coming in from behind me... to surprise me.
his breaths getting louder, his pitter patter of his nails on my parquet room floor.
now as i type this , i so wish that i could hear his pitter patter of his feet again.

i miss you already max.